New Chapter

New heart, new chapter...

So, in order to motivate me to get back into shape - not just for the wedding, but just so I'll feel better about myself - I am going to register for a couple 5k's that are coming up in September and October. I love to run and I love having a goal, a finish line. The first one I'd be able to do is September 19 but I'm not quite sure I'd be quite ready, but the Brixx race is the following weekend, September 26.

I bought a little notebook this weekend, to keep track of my progress. I'm going to start on the treadmill..I HATE treadmills but they're the best way to get back into the swing of things, and since it's so dang hot here..Once I'm able to keep a good pace, I'll take it outdoors.

And don't worry, I'm not going to push it too hard, too fast. At this point, my goal would be a 35 min. 5k which would be SLOW for me. ..In college, I was running pretty close to a 7 min. mile. But, I'll start slow and work my way down. And, if I stick with it like I'm planning on (it helps that my complex has a gym), there's a 15k (9.1mi) in Cornelius in October and a half-marathon (13.1 mi)/marathon in December. Obviously, I'm working towards the half-marathon.

Wish me luck!

See you later...

My letter to Brent...

They say "it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all," and I completely agree. People come in and out of our lives every day - some just stay longer than others and take hold of our hearts. Most times, it hurts when they leave - or when you leave them. Love is a magical experience that I wish everyone could know. Anyone can experience lust and mistake it for love, but when it's real...it's AMAZING. So, yes, I firmly believe it is better to lose at love than to never love at all...than to never experience the greatest connection between two people.

Learning when love is lost leads me to another cliche: "Everything happens for a reason," which is entirely true. No one can dispute it whether you believe God is in the driver's seat, you are or some other force. Everything has a cause and a consequence. Love comes in and sites down. Either it gets up and walks out or it says forever. Unfortunately, in our case, love came and stayed for awhile; but now, I'm pretty sure it's time for it to move on - time for us to get up and walk away.

My heart is raw, I won't lie. But, it is beginning to heal, and I know it will. If my heart can heal after my last heartache/heartbreak (Brad), I know it can heal again. I also know it will love again too - probably many times over. As I'm sure yours will too. Yes, you broke my heart and now it's my duty to pick up the pieces to travel down another path - to write a new chapter in my book of life.

So, Friday night Brent and I said our "see you later's". I hope that we do because he is a good guy, it just wasn't our time. He's heading into his last two semesters of grad school and then who knows where he'll go? He's on the brink of a grand new adventure and I certainly wouldn't want to hold him back or be a distraction. It hurts but it's the right thing to do. The right things to do rarely are the easiest, but it's easier to heal from them, that's for sure. I wish him all the luck in the world, and I hope he doesn't mind me posting part of my letter...

A buoy clinging to the sea.

I'm not sure if anyone will be surprised, because my mother wasn't, but Brent and I are on a break..but at this point, I'd just assume we break up. His reasoning for the break doesn't exactly give much hope that our relationship will survive. To say that I am hurt, would be an understatement. But, it's nothing I haven't dealt with before, picking the pieces of my broken heart up off the ground. I'm going to do up at some point this weekend and take him the few things he had at my house, along with a couple other things. I'm not sure if we're going to try the whole "friend" thing or not..since we hardly talk anyways but I guess we'll see. I'll keep you posted, I guess.

Wordless Wednesday.

I get to sleep with you tonight, right?

It all began on 8-8-08.

In anticipation of our one year anniversary next Saturday, I have some cellphone pics of my best friend to share with you. I love her and just can't imagine my life without her. :)

Watching tv.

Geez. I know I'm cute!
You're interrupting my show, mom!

She's not always the most obedient (but I let her be a carefree spirit) and it's a little awkward when she sniffs the butts and crotches of strangers, but she is just as adorable as the day I brought her home and a lot more cuddly. She's pretty much the perfect dog for me. We will definitely be at the dog park next weekend for some doggy fun!

update

saturday, bella and i went to raleigh to see my folks (her grandparents). my mom and i went to southpoint, to look for her mother-of-the-bride dress for paige's wedding while bella stayed and played/napped with her grandpa. they are so cute together..i will get a picture one of these days. mom & i got back from shopping (she's going to come to charlotte to look for her dress sometime soon, yay!), the 3 of us ate an amazing dinner: filet mignon, baked potato, green beans, and then went to seafood north (across from durant road middle school) to see paul's band, the bomb sniffin' dawgs (bsd's) play. apparently, the staff got rocked because there were easily at least 50 people there (a lot for a small restaurant the size of a starbucks inside) and the kitchen wait time was at least an hour. the bsd's were good..i'm too young for some of their songs (and apparently my parents are too old). :)

sunday, i was supposed to meet them at church, but didn't feel well and spent the morning on the couch with the heating pad. we ate brunch and i got everything packed up. i've been getting the itch to paint (i need something over my bed), so i sorted my art supplies and packed them up (i need new brushes). I was able to get my easel in the car (although it confused bella since she didn't get to sprawl out like she usually does). we got back to charlotte around 6:30/7:00. i unpacked, painted my toenails and hung out with bella, not anxious for a new week to begin at all.

...but, it has. yesterday was definitely a busy day at the office (i practically made an 85-year old man living at an assisting living care facility in charlotte cry on the phone), susie and jeff got yelled at for two hours (apparently they're conspiring with the devil and going to jail).....ah, the life of a planner. :) i love it.

hope everyone's having a great week so far. this week, if brent doesn't have to go to louisville, i'm gonna go to hickory with bella. if he does, then i think i'm gonna hit cheap joe's art supplies and paint! :) catch ya on the flip side!

my shoes are on.

i love to write..i believe it is how i best describe myself. in some cases, words are easy to hide behind and it's a lot easier to hit the 'backspace' button than to try to take my foot out of my mouth. sometimes, i lack tact and perhaps, some common decency, and with text, i can just blame it on my dry, sarcastic mindset rather than admitting my poor judgement. writing papers in school was always easiest compared to getting in front of my peers for a presentation..even short ones. my biggest fear going through school was oral presentations. my palms and feet would sweat (along with the rest of my body), sometimes i'd get the shakes. if there was a podium, i would slip my shoes off (particularly with classroom tile floors). it's not that i lacked the ability to present my ideas to people, it's just that i would get so nervous that i'd psych myself out. sometimes, if i'd lose my train of thought, without thinking (oops!), a minor expletive would escape my lips, proving my nervousness to those seated in front of me.

it's fun to look back and see how far i've come. in a previous post i mentioned that after graduation, i represented ecu in the ncapa student planning competition. i had adjusted my focus/topic of my presentation from my senior summary presentation a few months earlier, so i was not as confident in my oral presentation; but, i knew my paper was flawless and most likely, better than my competition (ended up being a kid from unc-g i think). and, i was right. he did do a better job presenting his research/ideas to the room. but, leaving the conference that day, i walked out with the director from new bern & a judge). i asked him point blank what tipped the scales toward the other guy. and he confirmed my suspicions..the presentation. but he said, my research was flawless and they could find no mistakes in my writing. he even said that he would keep my paper and use it for research/help in his job. that's one of the greatest compliments of my career. how could i be sad i lost with news like that. :)

how ironic that i grew up fearing oral presentations and now i find myself in a career that is dependent upon how we are able to verbally (mostly) communicate with citizens, fellow planners and the appointed/elected officials. and, i can do it without taking my shoes off! :)