March 1 2012. The day I was able to find the right words to express what is abundantly clear. The unpaid planning internship with the TOA is no longer the right place for me. This is a decision I wanted and had to make. I did not want this decision to be made for me. It is a great opportunity so it is with deep regret that I must walk away...
For the past two years, I have felt like I have been in a constant state of limbo. April 1 2010, I moved home, prepared for it to only last maybe 6 months. It's been nearly 2 years. That's a huge pill to swallow in and of itself. March 2011, I began what I had hoped would be a short-term internship with the TOA Planning Department. After 6 months, things changed. I became more distant, unwilling and uninterested in the work that I was tasked with undertaking. The blue spells became more frequent and seemed neverending. Being unemployed at 28 is not something I had planned on, never expected. I have been on dozens upon dozens of interviews all over North Carolina and beyond with barely a nibble. Not knowing what the future holds is extraordinarily frustrating and a feeling I have mostly been internalizing (not healthy).
I sat down with my parents earlier this week to have pretty much the same conversation (and tears) we've had off-and-on over the past two years. It's a harsh reality knowing that not only does no one seem to want me (Why not? I'm awesome!) and I'm disappointed with myself, but I feel like my parents are disappointed in me as well. It's not like I haven't been trying HARD for two YEARS to find a new job!
The search has been an on-going process, but it's official that I am no longer focused on finding a planning position. It's definitely still my first choice, but I need something that's going to, if nothing else, pay my bills when my unemployment benefits cease to exist (which is soon).
So, please, if you know of any leads either in/around Raleigh, or elsewhere, please send them my way. I would surely appreciate any and all that may come through. More importantly, prayers and kind thoughts are always appreciated. Pray for my emotional health, that the blue spells would become less frequent and lengthy. Pray for people I encounter, that they will be able to see just how awesome I am and that they will want me as a member of their company/organization/etc. Pray for my family, as we continue to work through this tough time. Pray for me, that I will continue to seek God's guidance above all and do all that I can to pull through and FINALLY get a job.
For the past two years, I have felt like I have been in a constant state of limbo. April 1 2010, I moved home, prepared for it to only last maybe 6 months. It's been nearly 2 years. That's a huge pill to swallow in and of itself. March 2011, I began what I had hoped would be a short-term internship with the TOA Planning Department. After 6 months, things changed. I became more distant, unwilling and uninterested in the work that I was tasked with undertaking. The blue spells became more frequent and seemed neverending. Being unemployed at 28 is not something I had planned on, never expected. I have been on dozens upon dozens of interviews all over North Carolina and beyond with barely a nibble. Not knowing what the future holds is extraordinarily frustrating and a feeling I have mostly been internalizing (not healthy).
I sat down with my parents earlier this week to have pretty much the same conversation (and tears) we've had off-and-on over the past two years. It's a harsh reality knowing that not only does no one seem to want me (Why not? I'm awesome!) and I'm disappointed with myself, but I feel like my parents are disappointed in me as well. It's not like I haven't been trying HARD for two YEARS to find a new job!
The search has been an on-going process, but it's official that I am no longer focused on finding a planning position. It's definitely still my first choice, but I need something that's going to, if nothing else, pay my bills when my unemployment benefits cease to exist (which is soon).
So, please, if you know of any leads either in/around Raleigh, or elsewhere, please send them my way. I would surely appreciate any and all that may come through. More importantly, prayers and kind thoughts are always appreciated. Pray for my emotional health, that the blue spells would become less frequent and lengthy. Pray for people I encounter, that they will be able to see just how awesome I am and that they will want me as a member of their company/organization/etc. Pray for my family, as we continue to work through this tough time. Pray for me, that I will continue to seek God's guidance above all and do all that I can to pull through and FINALLY get a job.
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