it's officially the end of another love journey. the boy and i broke up in july...i actually did it the night before i took him to the airport for his trip home. shame. he cried. he's always been the crier of the pair of us. more emotional. i like to try to keep my emotions closer to the cuff, heart of stone so to speak. we were together for over two years. we had talked about getting engaged and what marriage could be like; whether children would fill our life or just dogs (just dogs!). but somewhere along that path, i started to feel like something was missing, that i wasn't my whole self, that something was missing. so we broke up. it lasted a week. i didn't want anyone else scooping him up while i was trying to figure it all out. two months later, i called it quits. immediately, i felt free. like a million pounds were off my shoulders. don't get me wrong, i still loved him. i still cared but i needed a break. so we were "dating" - free to see other people but free to see each other if we wanted to. i basked in my new-found "freedom". i left the house, i met new people. it has been fun.
he moved to michigan on halloween. gone a little more than a month, he came to visit and it was so awkward. it felt almost like we were strangers. lots of silence. lots of pretending we were having fun. some talking about our past, present and whether a future exists. but, something he told me really struck a chord. yesterday i said - i'm pretty much done. there are a lot of things i will take, i will endure. and i know that we both have been single and able to mingle and i fully expected him to meet someone up there -- but not so fast. and not be doing whatever it is they've been doing. to come down and try to smooch on me while he's been smooching on someone else (before i knew about it) is not cool, no matter how single a person is. to tell me he wants to be with me, that i'm his "one", that he wants to marry me but participate in whatever is going on (could be a relationship developing or maybe it's just a good time). i deserve better than that. i put in over two years with him and our relationship. some of it i suffered through, with a smile.
i'm over it. wolf in sheep's clothing - that's what a man is. and, honey, i don't have time for that!
wonder what the new year will bring.....
he moved to michigan on halloween. gone a little more than a month, he came to visit and it was so awkward. it felt almost like we were strangers. lots of silence. lots of pretending we were having fun. some talking about our past, present and whether a future exists. but, something he told me really struck a chord. yesterday i said - i'm pretty much done. there are a lot of things i will take, i will endure. and i know that we both have been single and able to mingle and i fully expected him to meet someone up there -- but not so fast. and not be doing whatever it is they've been doing. to come down and try to smooch on me while he's been smooching on someone else (before i knew about it) is not cool, no matter how single a person is. to tell me he wants to be with me, that i'm his "one", that he wants to marry me but participate in whatever is going on (could be a relationship developing or maybe it's just a good time). i deserve better than that. i put in over two years with him and our relationship. some of it i suffered through, with a smile.
i'm over it. wolf in sheep's clothing - that's what a man is. and, honey, i don't have time for that!
wonder what the new year will bring.....
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