whirlwind

whew! what a whirlwind! after closing the door on my internship with apex, a window opened. a part-time gig at a little ol' place called ann taylor loft. :) yep, that's right...i'm working and getting paid (albeit about half of what i was receiving in unemployment assistance)! it's super fun and a nice change of pace. everyone's super nice and it's great not having to be in the car for 40-45 min. one way. my commute is about that..round trip. awesome! :) i'm loving it so far...it's been 3 days. ;)

oh, and i have another interview opportunity for a planning position. this time, i'll be traveling to se virginia (3 hour drive) next monday, 3.19. :) wish me luck!

with regret...

March 1 2012. The day I was able to find the right words to express what is abundantly clear. The unpaid planning internship with the TOA is no longer the right place for me. This is a decision I wanted and had to make. I did not want this decision to be made for me. It is a great opportunity so it is with deep regret that I must walk away...

For the past two years, I have felt like I have been in a constant state of limbo. April 1 2010, I moved home, prepared for it to only last maybe 6 months. It's been nearly 2 years. That's a huge pill to swallow in and of itself. March 2011, I began what I had hoped would be a short-term internship with the TOA Planning Department. After 6 months, things changed. I became more distant, unwilling and uninterested in the work that I was tasked with undertaking. The blue spells became more frequent and seemed neverending. Being unemployed at 28 is not something I had planned on, never expected. I have been on dozens upon dozens of interviews all over North Carolina and beyond with barely a nibble. Not knowing what the future holds is extraordinarily frustrating and a feeling I have mostly been internalizing (not healthy).

I sat down with my parents earlier this week to have pretty much the same conversation (and tears) we've had off-and-on over the past two years. It's a harsh reality knowing that not only does no one seem to want me (Why not? I'm awesome!) and I'm disappointed with myself, but I feel like my parents are disappointed in me as well. It's not like I haven't been trying HARD for two YEARS to find a new job!

The search has been an on-going process, but it's official that I am no longer focused on finding a planning position. It's definitely still my first choice, but I need something that's going to, if nothing else, pay my bills when my unemployment benefits cease to exist (which is soon).

So, please, if you know of any leads either in/around Raleigh, or elsewhere, please send them my way. I would surely appreciate any and all that may come through. More importantly, prayers and kind thoughts are always appreciated. Pray for my emotional health, that the blue spells would become less frequent and lengthy. Pray for people I encounter, that they will be able to see just how awesome I am and that they will want me as a member of their company/organization/etc. Pray for my family, as we continue to work through this tough time. Pray for me, that I will continue to seek God's guidance above all and do all that I can to pull through and FINALLY get a job.

i won't lie. the first two days were rough as i was hit with the worst caffeine headache. but, once the first two days passed, so did the headache. it's been a lot of fun trying different recipes, finding what works and what doesn't. if i had to pick my favorite dishes? broccoli quiche, zucchini carbonara, pizza frittata were by far the best! and i've been drinking SO MUCH water! all i drink is water (although i am allowed 100% fruit juice, minimally).

i must say that a great diet coupled with doing crossfit 4 days/week is working wonders on my body already. for the first time in years, i can feel my abs without having to suck it in! and i'm stronger AND from when i last weighed myself before the challenge and now, i've dropped at least 5 lbs. AWESOME!

at the end of the challenge, i'll post pictures of what i've been eating so you can see what delicious and not-so-delicious things i've been eating lately look like! :)

week two (m 2.20 - s 2.26)

breakfast: pizza frittata (delicious!), attempted crepes (too many yokes in my whites!), fruit

lunch: cranberry tun salad

dinner: zucchini carbonara, salad with pear, sweet potatoes, kabob meat, taco salad (small group food night), steaks with romesco sauce

snacks/desserts: blueberry muffins, peach clafouti

water: 24 (16.9 fl oz bottles)

week three (m 2.27 - s 3.4)

breakfast: zucchini egg bake, coconut pancakes, fruit

lunch: cranberry tuna salad, blta chicken breast sandwich

dinner: fish tacos with citrus dressing (maybe with shrimp?), pork chop, sweet potatoes, asparagus

snacks/desserts: pumpkin nut muffins, nutty blueberry protein balls

source: crossfit impulse

on tuesday, february 13, i will embark on a new adventure: a 30 day nutrition challenge through oak city crossfit. 30 days of no sunkist, no orange juice, no potato chips or lean cuisines..basically, 90% of my current way of eating is eliminated. awesome.

how it works: 1. pay the 40$ buy in; 2. take photos and measurements and add them to the body composition information from last month; 3. declare which diet you will follow: whole30, paleo, primal, or zone; 4. at the end of 30 days, have another body composition test done. if i've lost (+)10% of my FAT MASS (not overall body fat percentage!), i'll get 20$ back. the rest goes towards the prize money for the winner. the winner is the person who has the biggest decrease in fat mass (as a %).

the program i have elected to follow is primal. one of the main differences between paleo and primal is that a primal diet allows for some dairy. basically, it's the philosophy that it's more important to eat, move and live according to how humans were designed and not according to society's artificial developments of the last 100 years.

i toyed with the idea of participating in the challenge without the financial obligation. but, i figured it's better to take the risk and go all in. and believe me, i'm in. plus, the financial incentive is enticing. ;)

this week's meals/snacks

breakfast

- broccoli quiche

lunch

- arugula & blueberry salad with raspberry vinaigrette

- cranberry tuna salad

dinner

- zucchini carbonara

- curry coconut meatballs

snacks

- nutty blueberry protein balls

- tropical avocado and shrimp

- chicken egg drop soup

wish me luck!! :D

february

- church @ summit

- monthly offering (29$)

- occf (3-4 days/week)

- 30 day nutrition challenge starts 2.13

- occf goals (pull ups & double unders)

- deliver painting

- massage

- build/paint/install fc surround/desk

- sort tubs/etc. in bonus room

- bag/tag/deliveries for goodwill, blbc, nrmcts

- paintings for spring birthdays

- quit

- occf ladies' night @ wine & design, 2.9

- dogsit/housesit 2.2-2.7

- get a p/t job

- occf weightlifting clinic - back squat, 2.18

- job search continues...

church @ summit

+ monthly offering

+ join a small group done-wednesdays @ 7

+ meet new people

spend more time in the Word

oak city crossfit

+ bmi testing 1/16 done but i'm not telling!

+ 6 wk goals: double unders and pull ups

change my diet/lifestyle (paleo, primal, caveman, etc.)

+ cut out processed (junk) foods

+ cut down & ultimately eliminate (daily) consumption of soda/sunkist

run in at least one 5-10k race

+ run for our heroes race in april

quit

read at least 4 books (aka watch less tv)

read & return lauren's book (not included in the 4)

complete projects in bonus room

+ file cabinet surround/desk project for dad's birthday

+ big tv/cabinet placement

+ art storage unit(s)

+ sort/etc. my stuff that lives there (outside storage unit??)

+ organize ikea cabinets

sort/organize/purge/donate/etc.

massage

JOB (search continues...)

finish touchups in bathroom/bedroom

take Bella to a dog park at least 1x/month

obtain a credit report (it's gotta be better by now!)

goals for january

-church @ summit done!

-monthly offering done!

-join a small group done!

-OCCF 3-4 days/week done!

-BMI Testing @ OCCF 1/16 done & i'm not telling!

-work on my goals at OCCF (6 week program to work on my pull ups and sequential double unders)

- deliver Wofford painting

-massage

-build/paint/stain file cabinet surround/table for bonus room

-sort/organize/purge/donate

-art box/toolbox

-start paintings for spring birthdays

-read more/watch less tv

-QUIT (i got 9 days over Christmas; now, doing it quickly makes me vomit. literally.)

-be a better intern at Apex trying!

-car insurance payment due 1/9 paid!

-job search continues

-monthly review with des for benefit continuation 1/26