I'M STILL HERE!

if i reflect, my emotional health/life stalled following bella's passing. i still think about her, love her, talk to her (box of ashes on the mantle) and wish i could just love on her. there is definitely a hole in my heart. i miss my baby girl. *last week (8-8-12) would have been our 4 year anniversary.*

but, life goes on. i had to move on.  and i have. i have a (part-time) job that i enjoy, a boyfriend (haven't had a "labeled" relationship basically since college), supportive & loving parents, etc. 

i'm still checkin' in on your blogs and i will update soon...but, not yet. :)

~ Bella Bean G. May 8, 2008-June 7, 2012 ~

it is with a heavy heart that i write this post. my sweet, sweet girl has gone off to doggy heaven to run free and chase as many deer and squirrels as she wants. :*(

i took her to the vet saturday morning with what i thought was a bladder infection. she wet her pen both thursday and friday nights. but, after they ran some tests, they told me she needed a blood transfusion and they were referring us to the veternairy specialty hospital. my mom met me at the hospital and we were told she had "immune-mediated hemolytic anemia" and it was serious. basically, her immune system was attacking her red and white blood cells and that when drawn, the red blood cells were clumping together. her RBC levels were way down and a transfusion was the only solution. with serious consideration, we let them take her. i had to work sunday and my dad called me around 1pm to say the hospital called and things were not looking good. we went and visited her that afternoon, and in between that call and us getting there, her body had compensated and her levels were back up to 16%. still not great, but better (a healthy range is between 35-55%). she was perky and seemed more like herself..not so lethargic. she had an ultrasound monday, which revealed no cancer...but still no reason as to why this was happening. :( tuesday morning, i got a call at 2:30 am and her levels dropped back down to 13% and they wanted to do another transfusion. my parents and i talked briefly and told them to go ahead with the transfusion. her levels went back up to about 15%. they put her on some new medication, to help with the clotting. i visited her wednesday morning, in the ICU. my dad met me there. she was still wagging her tail (thumped it like crazy when she saw her grandpa!). the doctor said the medicine was starting to help with the clotting...a glimmer of hope. but that a 3rd transfusion would be the only chance of giving the medicine enough time to really work. i wanted to give it one more shot, so we approved the 3rd and final transfusion. we went to see her last night, but the hospital was slammed with about 5 criticals so we couldn't see her.
early this morning, around 4:30, i got the call. her breathing rate was dangerously high and this was it. the transfusion did what it was supposed to - brought her levels up to 17% - but was throwing clots into her lungs, making it hard for her to breathe. i rushed to the hospital, closely followed by my parents, then my sister and brother-in-law. she held on so everyone could get there...a considerate pal to the end. we took some time to say our goodbyes and then the doctor came in. she went quickly.

it's hard because it came on so quickly. just about a week ago she was fine. and now, she's gone. but, she wasn't in any pain and didn't show any signs of distress until the final hours of her life. we did everything we could to save her, but her little body just couldn't take it. she just turned 4 last month. i will miss her very much and loved her so very much. she was the best dog, friend, companion and furry daughter a girl could ask for. she never met a stranger and was loved by many.

take care sweet Bella. mama loves you and is so very thankful for the 4 years we had together. <3

run for our heroes

on saturday, april 28, 2012, i will be running a 5k. it's my first race in 10 years! i'm running in the recreational division (as opposed to competitive) and hope to complete it in 30 minutes or less. i'm not running 7 minute miles these days, so my expectations are low. :) i just want to let my feet hit the pavement and complete it in a decent time! i am the only athlete from oak city crossfit participating, but there will be lots of familiar faces as many athletes from forged fitness will be there (although most are in the competitive division). if you're in the raleigh area, come support the raleigh police department and all the runners! you can visit the website for more information. or if you'd like to participate, registration starts at 7:30am.

Christ is risen indeed!

Why Easter is Good News for Everyone

A friend of mine once expressed frustration in his inability to believe the story of Jesus' resurrection, the story of Easter. He saw his non-belief as some kind of final rejection of God. But he didn't want it perceived that way or for God to take it personally; he just struggled to believe Jesus rose from the dead. I told him I believed the story of Easter is good news for Christians and non-Christians like. In fact, I'm convinced it is a day for which everyone can be grateful, regardless of what they believe.

First, Christians have been celebrating this good news for nearly two thousand years. indeed, it is the central proclamation of the faith. But why celebrate it as "good news"? The "good" part is simply this: Jesus' resurrection shows that death is not the last word. That God intervened in history, in real time and space by raising his son from the dead, makes it "news" in a journalistic sense. Through this historical event we learn that God gave life to his son in part to show that he wants to give life - real, substantial and unending life - to us all. This was his intention in the first place. One might even begin to fancy that God can't live without us. At least that might go some way toward explaining Good Friday.

The Easter event also shows more clearly than anything else that God is already in the process of setting this broken world right. So it is then, according to Christian tradition, that the first Easter morning was the dawn of a new creation; it was "In the beginning" all over again on that first day of the week in the garden. And since this work was set into motion, Christians await the denouement while working toward its fulfillment. Thy kingdom come, we pray.

In this work also, death has been utterly vanquished, dealt a death-blow, if you will. Perhaps it was crushed under the weight of that stone which rolled from the tomb. Thus we need not live in fear, toiling in desperation, worrying that an inescapable, meaningless end awaits us, that the seeming non-existence before our birth merely foreshadowed the time after our death. Nor need we live fenetic, harried lives, simply attempting to repress thoughts about the inevitable. Instead, we ought to own up to this fact: we all die. Denial here creates quite a hangover at some point. Easter, however, provides the opportunity to slow down, to be grateful for what truly matters and for what God has done in Christ. This good news fills the hearts of Christians today.

But what about those who can't put their trust in some pie-in-the-sky delusion? What about those who read the preceeding paragraph and say, "talk about denial"? Can the store be good news for them?

If nothing else, Easter can be understood as a powerful mythic story, one that schools us in the power of hope. Doesn't the story teach that if Jesus can begin again, having been rejected by his own people, abandoned by his disciples and murdered by imperialist overlords, so can the rest of us?

Doesn't nature teach the same lesson? Spring itself - especially in New England - is a welcome reminder that life returns to barren, dormant trees. And so, after a time of deathly cold, the warmth of life can return to our living deaths as well. The sun always comes around again. We can begin again therefore and flourish. We don't need to live life bound to destructive patterns of behavior or like we're simply the sum total of our negative baggage because a new, vibrant life remains a possibility. Truth be told, that new live begins with hope.

So the story of Easter teaches everyone to hope, to hope that life can conquer death. And if hope is a first step towards faith, who knows where this journey will lead? Is not humankind's infinite capacity to hold on, even when in the darkest times, muffled evidence itself of Easter's basic truth? To what, or better perhaps, to Whom shall we give credit for this innate and uniquely human strength?

Whether taken as historical fact, one which changes everything, or as mythic fiction, one which symbolizes the truth that hope springs eternal, the resurrection of Jesus is good news indeed.

by Dr. Hunt

tasty treats of primal eating

following the primal way of eating for the occf 30 day nutrition challenge provided me with the opportunity to eat some really delicious food combinations (and some not so tasty ones). here are some photos of just a few of the yummy foods i consumed during that time, as well as today!

(From 30DNC: Broccoli Quiche, Zucchini Carbonara and Roasted Grape & Onion Pork Chops. From Sunday 3.25: Breakfast Burrito (Filling & Rolled Up), Jambalaya)

and the winner is...

ME!

i won the nutrition challenge. :D when i thought about doing the challenge, i wasn't going to be a paid participant, i was just gonna follow the diet and see what happened. paige talked me into being a full participant and now, i'm certainly glad i did! i never thought i would win though...i just wanted to change the way i ate and see how it would affect my workouts and how i felt. it changed everything for me and it has certainly changed the way i look at food and at life in general.

i have already, but i sincerely thank everyone (coaches, fellow athletes, my family, friends, etc.) for their love and support. i couldn't have done it (nor have stuck with it) without them. i'm gonna do it again in 30-day increments until it becomes second nature for me. :) i'm looking to see what the next 30 days will hold and what the results may be.

oh, btw, i won the pot. 440$. i sure could use that right now. :)

13.2 lbs...boom!

the 30 day nutrition challenge is complete! i made it 30 days without a sunkist, potato chips, bojangles, etc. it actually wasn't that hard because most of what i was making and eating was actually really delicious! i promised to post pictures and i will...in the near future. for the remainder of the week, i am vegging. i had bojangles for dinner last night, i am drinking sunkist (although i'm not over-indulging)...i actually even almost forgot about my girl scout cookies.

as for my results: in the scope of body composition, i moved up in bmi brackets from moderate to good. awesome! with regard to weight loss, i lost 13.2 lbs. amazing! of that 13.2 lbs, 7.6 was fat mass and 5.6 was fat-free mass (which is not great, but is contributed to variables like calorie intake, dehydration at time of testing, etc.). in terms of measurements, i lost inches everywhere (chest, waist, hips, thigh, biceps), with the greatest change being at my hips with a difference of 1.75". in the photos, there wasn't a huge difference (at least to me) from the front, but definitely from the side.

in more tangible results...after swapping my winter wardrobe for spring/summer duds, i found 3 pairs of jeans that i've held onto. the first pair i pulled out was a size 2 long from gap. my reaction, "when was i ever a size 2?!" just for kicks, i tried them on - zipped and buttoned. my response, "TODAY!". WHAT?! a size 2? holy moly! today, i tried on pants at ATL after my shift. my next purchase will be black pique crop pants with zipper detail..in a size 4. the size 6 was just too big. weird!

so, i'm taking a few days off my "diet" (also to include celebrating my irishness on saturday) before i get back into it next week. i'm gonna do another 30 day challenge, go get another body composition test/have paige measure me and compare my results. i am SUPER close to my goal weight...about 3-10 pounds left.

the moral of this challenge: what you consume makes a HUGE difference in how you feel, how your body reacts, how you look. couple diet with working out (i prefer crossfit) and changes happen, baby!