past relationships

 

in recent weeks, I've had 2 exes reach out. I put off one of them..mostly since I refer to him not by name but as "douchey dude." the other? the other one was referred to as "the great love of my life." remember him? he's still married and doesn't live in nc, so I figured he was safe. one thing I get joy from reconnecting with past likes/loves/etc., is when they apologize for being buttheads. he confessed that he did in fact love me and screwed up with me. I loved him so much back then so it was nice to know that the feelings were, in fact, reciprocated. but, we were young back then and I think, quite honestly, that the way and the magnitude of my love was too much for him. so he married someone else. I hated him for a long time, which I told him. but, it's water under the bridge. if I hadn't loved him the way I had, I don't know that I would know that I am capable of loving a man that much. can I say that I love the boyfriend like that? honestly, no. but, it's situational. the boyfriend has always treated me well, with respect and love. he doesn't use and abuse me like brad did. he doesn't ignore me or only see me when it's convenient for him. he makes time and wants to spend time with me. quite honestly, I've probably been more of the guy of our relationship. but, I do love him and I do care about him. and, when thinking about the prospect of getting engaged and married, I wouldn't want to be married to anyone else. is that enough? I hope so...because it's all I got. has reconnecting surfaced old feelings? probably. but, even if he hadn't gotten married and I wasn't in a serious, monogamous relationship, it probably wouldn't work. I'm a lot of who I was in my 20's but I'm also a world away of my younger self. I firmly believe and hold on to the ideal that if I hadn't done the things I'd done, dated/spent time with the people I shared my time with, had the experiences I had (awesome and utterly sucky)...I wouldn't be who I am, I wouldn't be where I am, and I certainly wouldn't know what I know NOW. life is about decisions and using your decisions to trudge forward. and so, I trudge forward into the last month of 2013.

 

november 2013

holy cow! this year is FLYING by. here's my list for november.

* town offices closed: veterans day, monday 11/11 and thanksgiving, thursday 11/28 -  friday 11/29
* my boss' birthday and my boyfriend's birthday are the same day: tuesday, 11/12regular life...
- read & return  a) LAM magazine; b) historic preservation book
- durham rescue mission donations
- church @ bay leaf (try to add attending service before sunday school)
- i think i can afford to take some clothes to the dry cleaners!
- finish hand-drawn map project
- finish christmas shopping: hallmark is doing something this weekend (11/9): bogo wrapping paper, sale on cards, etc. so in the name of saving money, i'm gonna hit it after i get my first look at my new apartment. plus: get diy gift supplies; doggy gift for santana; something for my grandma; and i think that's it. everyone else was done before the beginning of november! ;) i love this year's paper so much, i went ahead and wrapped all the gifts i already have. lol.

moving time...
i am SO excited about moving. the details aren't all that important to anyone but me. just know that it all begins saturday, 11/9 and ends by saturday, 11/30. in just 2ish days, i get to see if my apartment has carpet! :)

i'll end on that exciting note. happy fall y'all!

wish list

when i think of something i'd like to have, i add it to the list. maybe it's the start of a christmas wish list of sorts, but really, it's things to do or have, big or small in cost, for my life. since i've pretty much eliminated clothes shopping from my budget, and really, shopping in general. these days, shopping involves groceries and coupons. some things on the list are practical, like a file cabinet. really? what 30 year old woman puts a file cabinet (at least 2 drawers) on a wish list? me. some will get accomplished, like a hair appointment and others will be put off for another season, but at least they have a home on my list. so far my wish list includes:

• flat, black knee-high boots
• file cabinet (at least 2 drawers) acquired (2) 2 drawers ones - they need some tlc but they were free!
• black watch (and/or a gold-silver combo option)
• hair appt w/ becky (losing the blond for the season) scheduled for 10/7!
• brown leather storage chest for the foot of the bed (organized storage is gonna be KEY in my new place!)
• back massage (would've done it sooner if it wasn't for this pesky eczema)
• new ring-finger ring since my "believe" ring is super bent
• Jefferson Bethke's book "Jesus & Religion" (out 10/7) pre-ordered after amazon dropped the price!

i'm kind of even hoping i lose my free cable when i move so that i'll be forced to (gasp!) read more. i have all these books i've accumulated and are waiting to be read so it'd be nice to "have time" to do that. it's not really about saving money since i already get it for free. ;)

happy autumn! :) 

SEPTEMBER 2013

GREAT NEWS! i found a smaller, cheaper apartment IN MY BUILDING! background: i LOVE my current apartment. it's big (almost 1200 sf), modern, bright (corner unit with lots of huge windows), and just plain awesome. however, it's a money suck and a pinch i feel in my bank account at the beginning of every month. stressful! so, i started looking around for a new apartment in my same neighborhood (aka the western side of the retail section of brier creek). i really wanted to stay in my complex but also found a cheap 1-bedroom down the road (literally) for about 830/mo. i pay a boat-load for my apartment (although everyone that comes over thinks i pay way more than i do) and would really like to be able to save that boat for a rainy day, so i was hoping to find something in the low 800's. the unit down the street did that EXCEPT i would have to rent a truck/hire movers, adjust to a new mgmt staff, traffic patterns, etc. and i could not take my washer & dryer (huge deal). long story short: i found a small (784 sf) apartment in my building that i will take ownership of in november. i will be doing most of (if not all) the moving by myself because the perk is i can do a slow, 3 week move since my lease isn't up until the end of november. i'll be on the top floor and will no longer have to complain/deal with a horny upstairs neighbor boy. and the best part, i'll be paying a full 150 less in rent alone for this unit. yes, 150! i am getting a storage unit but it's only 20/mo extra. so instead of paying a boat-load in rent/watersewervalettrash each month, i'll maybe pay 850/mo in rent and basic utilities. blessings.

i'll also be finishing up finacial peace university a few weeks before i begin moving...awesomesauce.

here are my aspirations for september.

- enjoy the 3 day holiday weekend! (hello, college football!)
- taking the 1st class towards obtaining CZO certification 9/5-6 at UNC School of Gov't
- Butner Athletic Park Grand Opening, Monday 9/9
- donations to Durham Rescue Mission (including that pesky blue plaid chair)
- hand-drawn zoning map project (hopefully will get to it labor day weekend!)
- re-tab / hi-lite my LDO
- increase church attendance...apparently, i've joined a sunday school class?!
- play keyboard at least 1x/week
- find my spare key or get a new key made
- exercise / food challenge: sweat more! yoga mat / workout dvd, no candy / just chocolate
- make a decision about where to move
- finish rectangle paintings (will probably wait until after the move)
- read & return literature to L.S.
- make a hair appt for october (cut & color: going back dark!)
- make a dry cleaners run (or 2!)
- pack up super-summer wardrobe and bring back some early fall clothes

AUGUST 2013

Well, it's the 13th. I suppose it's about time to post my goals/plans for this month. Here goes nothing...

-  rescue mission donations including the plaid chair
-  read & mail book, magazine to LS will do it before Christmas!!
-  hand-drawn map project
-  concentric rectangle paintings
-  shred! i did, then it jammed and i can't get the jam out! UGH!
-  guest room/bathroom (rearrange, sort/organize, art installations)
-  find a home for my spoon rack(s)
-  piano pages project
-  play keyboard at least 1x/week
-  church @ summit
-  food challenge haven't had ANY candy since June!
-  exercise challege + get PVC pipe, yoga mat, dancing workout DVD
-  find my spare key/copy key
-  new microwave + smaller shelving unit for pantry
-  add brown fabric to lengthen new fabric shower curtain (mill outlet)
-  sort/purge magazines, catalogs, coupons, etc.

TVC 2013Neal and I went to Michigan at the end of July. The weather was mostly great, the Traverse City Film Festival kicked off before I left (it's a huge deal; Michael Moore is involved; free outdoor movies on the lake every night), I pretty much gorged myself. We ate so much food! At each meal! And pie, can't forget the cherry pie (the crumble is my new favorite). Traverse City is cherry capital of the world, so the pie is a staple. We both left on Saturday, I returned on Wednesday and he came back Sunday. It was a fun trip.

Saturday: We flew RDU --> Baltimore --> Flint via Southwest. In Flint, he rented a car so we could road trip it up to TVC. We had lunch with one of his best friends & his wife at BDubs (food was tasty!), drove to East Lansing to see his house, his brother, his parents' house..We visited Michigan State's campus which is huge. Kind of reminds me of a mix between NC State, Virginia Tech and CU Boulder...And I got my "official" MSU t-shirt at one of the bookstores; more official than the hoodie I got last year at a sports store in TVC. ;) Then, we drove up to TVC. On the way, we stopped in Gladwin so I could take pictures with the signs. Random to some, makes sense to others. I didn't realize that section of MI is heavy on the Amish. The drug store had designated parking for buggy & horse and we saw one going the opposite way when Neal missed the turn for the highway and we ended up taking the long way up. ;) I got loopy because we were both so tired. Did I mention our flight out of Raleigh LEFT at 6am?!

Sunday: We slept in. We putzed around the house for a little while. Neal, his mom & I went into downtown and window shopped/bought pies/enjoyed a not-yet overcrowded stroll (it was too many people for my taste, for such a small area). It was fun. I got a few things, including a Christmas present for my sister. After dinner, Neal and I went bowling. We were both out of practice..first time we've bowled since the league ended in March(?). I did, however, get a turkey!

Monday: We went shooting. His parents have friends who have a bunch of property up towards Interlochen (like 500 ac) and when they hunt/target practice, that's where they go. We shot first with a .38 special. I got the best shot, closest to the bullseye. His dad was quite pleased to say the least. We went a few rounds with that gun (at 50 ft) before moving onto the rifle. I don't know what kind it was...but I think I got closest with that one too. Apparently, I'm a good shot. Then, Mr. B came up and we went back to his house. He has a crossbow. We shot with that a few rounds..once again, best kill shot! :) Surprisingly, I liked it. We might have to go to an indoor range around here sometime.

 

His dad's cousin and her husband came up that afternoon. She's a character. :) After dinner, we went to Moomer's. It's world famous ice cream (made famous by one of the morning shows a couple years ago). I got vanilla (the true test of how good it is) and it was delicious (with rainbow sprinkles in a waffle cone). I'd go back. :D

 

Tuesday: His other cousin came. Neal and I went out for the day: wine tasting up the other peninsula and over to the Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes. What a fun day! Apparently, Madonna's father has a winery. It was our 2nd stop. Our favorite was Black Star Farms. We got 4 bottles. :)

Wednesday: The day I left. Almost missed my flight out of TVC. Home safely and exhausted.


Overall, it was a great trip. Michigan is beautiful and is a great place to visit. Would I ever live there? Who knows.

june just seemed to fly by! why do the days of summer fly by while the lond days of winter just drag on and on? i'm on top of my game now...already did my goal/to do list for july! :)

* 31 day exercise/food challenge
* summer cleaning! dust, wipe down baseboards, vacuum, clean mirrors, dust blinds, etc.
* fireworks!
* actually return book/magazine to l.s.
* see more of michigan with neal 7/26 - 7/31
- donate blue plaid chair (it won't fit in my car!)
- concentric rectangle paintings: add 5th, paint, touch ups, hang all 5 above cabinets
- finish guest room/bathroom: rearrange, reorganize, art wall installation, etc.
- find a home for my spoon racks
- find my key!
- piano book project
- church @ summit
- credit
- play keyboard at least 1x/week
- hand-drawn zoning map update for work
- gis map updates for work