no more excuses

source: triangle crossfit

on monday, september 26, i went back to the box. that's what people who crossfit call the gym. i neglected to mention it because i wanted to make sure i was doing it for the right reasons, for me and not anyone else. i've been going for 3 weeks now and i still enjoy it just as much as i did last year, but even more so. last year, when i joined forged, i felt like i was doing it because my sister wanted us to spend more time together. and yes, i wanted to get back in shape but i would've been okay with going to the ymca. plus, i was attracted to a couple boys which made me not want to look stupid. which is stupid. i've never been one to do something for a guy, so why would i have started at age 27? lol. so i stopped. i thought about working out and exercises i could modify to do at home, but i wasn't ready.

i kept making excuses. the #1 excuse? "i don't know how long i'll be in raleigh so why start now?" clearly, my reasoning failed me because i am STILL here. so, when paul & gio (& paige) opened their own affiliate, the excuses could only last so long. this time, i was ready. yes, i know my sister still wanted me to do it so that we could spend more time together and that's certainly a bonus, but that's not why i go. we have yet to be in the same class...

i saw this picture on triangle crossfit's blog tonight and it really hit home. what was i so scared of anyways...feeling good about myself? running farther than the day before? doing more pushups than i could the day before? push pressing 75 lbs? it's progress. mental progress of overcoming just going that first day (i didn't even tell paige i was going just in case i wussed out) and physical progress. my squats are deeper, the ripping of skin doesn't hurt so bad this time, the promise of newer workout gear looms...i already feel better about myself. i find myself standing up straighter and being just plain happier.

so long story short? i drank the kool-aid again and liked it. :) check out oak city crossfit. i like it better than forged: smaller class sizes, more one-on-one attention, people in all shapes, sizes, colors, and ages, and everyone's really nice and encouraging! oh, and while you're there, check out the art! :)

prayers please :)

i have TWO interviews coming up and would surely appreciate any prayers you'd offer up and good vibes you'd be willing to send my way!
- friday 10/7 @ 2:00, telephone interview for an environmental planner/code enforcement officer, western north carolina
- monday 10/10 @ 2:30, sit-down interview for a code enforcement officer/planning technician, south of charlotte (practically south carolina!)

prayers and kind thoughts are appreciated! :) it seems like everything these days is something/code enforcement. it's not an area in which i have site experience, but if that's what it's going to take to get my toe back in the door, then i'm game! plus, each of these jurisdictions are relatively small (one's a college town) so it wouldn't be a lot of territory to cover. wish me luck! :)

october

wofford painting
m/d's anniversary painting
complete asu/assu
begin nb/mirror/storage swivel tower
valentina before 10/15
finish ch's book
read & return lam mag & planning text to my supervisor
adina's in NC!! :D
begin boyles' anniversary painting
redo bonus room while the 'rents are on vacay next week
oak city crossfit (3-4 days/wk)
saturdays @ summit
10 year high school reunion 10/15!!

one of my oldest friends beth anne, also known as blair, pinned this print.
i grew up with winnie and his adventures, but always adored piglet the most.
i had to share.

intentions for september

- church @ summit

- ecu v. south carolina @ charlotte 9/3 :D

- ecu v. virginia tech in greenville 9/10 :D

- complete baby painting

- complete painting for hannah

- complete large art storage unit (asu) project

- complete small art supply storage unit (assu) project

- sort/pack more of what's in bonus room

- goodwill

- finish chelsea handler book

- massage appointment

- look into storage unit rental rates

- apply for jobs....

indeed.

yes, life does go on.

in fact, i have another interview scheduled for wednesday, 8/31. i am quite excited for this interview, i can't help it. ;)

all prayers and crossed-fingers are appreciated! <3

well. i am slightly devastated. i called yesterday about the job i interviewed for last week (since he said he'd call me by tuesday and he hadn't) to find out that despite a great interview, i was not selected. i tried my best to be gracious but as soon as i hung up, i cried. i cried every time i thought about it..every time i thought, "i am such a loser." loser. a word rarely found in my vocabulary but a way i've been feeling lately as time drags on. interview after interview. time after time of being told things like, "you're smart," "you're bright," "you have a lot of potential," "the right position will come along and you'll know it's the one," etc. it's hard to want to get excited for interviews because given my track record, what's the point?! i didn't tell my parents until late last night because i just felt so ashamed. i yelled at them (my dad) for not being more supportive of the way i was feeling...defeated, like a loser. i cried after taking B out..sat on her bed with my head in my hands and tears falling down my face (she tried to lick my tears, so sweet)...and then i went to bed.
today is a brand new day. i'm still sad. i still feel defeated, and even still like a loser. but that word doesn't hold same amount of weight today as it did yesterday. it's a job. i wanted it really badly. not just because it was a job for the jobless, but because of where it was...it meant going back to the charlotte area and getting out of raleigh..this rut. but, they didn't pick me. there's nothing i can do about it and i know that it's their loss. it does me no good to just sit around and cry about it. and, i'm proud to say that today, no tears fell. even when i thought about that word, loser. no tears because i know that i'm not.

God has a plan for me, of that i am sure. this plan, which is unknown to me, i cling to. because without my God, my faith, my world would be dark and i would be defeated. life goes on...there are more jobs to apply for and someday (soon, i hope), someone will say, "jessica, we choose you." to which i will respond, "it's about damn time!" ;)